Opposite Evolution

Years ago, Mr. Graba taught me the theory of evolution; which is Darwin's theory that all life began from one organism. They then changed over time to become many species. Since then, with much research, I have learned that humans are the only species that, during a short time period of their lives, experience a strange, opposite evolutionary period. On the eve of their fifteenth year, human youths split into three separate species before blending together again after a year. The three species that they split into is as follows:

Homo sapien aggrivatus: The most annoying of the three species, the common aggrivatus is usually seen vying for attention and speaking out of turn. One can usually distinguish the aggrivatus by their screatchingly loud call. The call can be heard in the back of school buses, across hallways, or during class discussions. Some more iconic characteristics of the aggrivatus are boisterous jostling, snide comments, and inappropriate swearing.

Homo sapien climbberus: The climbberus is a much milder form of the aggrivatus, but can usually be found rotating around the aggrivatus packs. However, it is easy to distinguish between the two. Usually, the aggrivatus begins with a bellowing call or rude joke, and the climbberus will follow with a low snickering.

Homo sapien normallis: While the other two species are most noticeable when surrounded by their own kind, the normallis remains the same at all times. While most prominent in the first month of the school year, the normallis has abnormally large eyes. These are usually cast at the floor when the walking though the halls, and grow in size when surrounded by upperclassmen. The normallis is the most subdued species, and thus are easy prey for the already devolved upperclassmen.

After a year or two, the three species begin to blend together once again. While they never discard their most prominent characteristics, they do subdue quite a lot. This opposite evolution can be found in most learning institutions and is unavoidable. Scientists are still experimenting to determine the root of the genetic mutation, and why it is isolated to the human species. If you would like to donate to help fund research, please contact Cori Lin at 847-347-1686. You can make the difference.